How do stormtroopers go pee?

One of my duties within the garrison is training new handlers.  Handlers keep troopers safe and act as the "eyes and ears" of the troopers.  We have notoriously bad visibility in our helmets.  Luke Skywalker said it best when he famously said: "I can't see a thing in this helmet."  So, every month I run an hour long training (via an audio call) where I train the latest handlers and tell them all the in's and out's of keeping stormtroopers safe.

These handlers are generally always family members of our existing garrison members and they're good folks who ask interesting questions at the end of our every call.  But, tonight I was asked a question which had never come up before.

"What about bathroom breaks?"

"Um... what now?"

"How do stormtroopers pee?"

"We don't."

"You said it takes an hour for the characters to suit up and put their armor on. and sometimes at parades you are a long distance from the green room."

"Yes, that is why we don't pee.  We can't pee.  It is absolutely not an option for us.  There is no peeing.  Ever.  So, the issue never comes up.  Stormtroopers do not pee."

"Oh."

There was a sort of stunned silence on the call, so I felt I needed to explain a bit further.  "OK, on the day before a troop, I always hydrate.  And, then the day of a troop, no coffee and I limit my liquids."

Silence again.  And, then a very quiet: "Thank you."

I guess the pee issue had officially been put to rest.

Although, oftentimes, folks who become handlers often join because they are thinking of becoming members one day.  And, now you know what they are thinking.

Damn.  How long can I go without peeing?

And, honestly you'd be surprised.  You think you have to pee all the time until you have to train yourself to just not go.  And, then you come up with what I refer to as stormtrooper bladder.  And, it becomes a non-issue.  Limiting coffee, or avoiding it altogether on trooping day, helps tremendously.   And, train, train, train your body.  Like any endurance athlete just train for your sport.

There are no sacrifices too great for the Empire.  Imperial bladders don't happen by accident.

Adventures in Google Land. (And, Why Google Maps Couldn't Find Google.)

Last week, I was jetlagged after an intense four-day weekend in New York visiting the family.  Given the choice, I would stayed home and recovered from my post "visiting the parents" hangover.  Trooping takes energy, and I had none of it come Tuesday morning.  But, we were short troopers, and since I work in a school, I'm one of the few folks with the luxury of being off work in the summertime.  So, I printed the ops orders, loaded my stormtrooper gear and my tired carcass into the car and headed northward.  The last thing I did before I point the car northward was type the address into Google Maps.  Simple enough.  I was headed to Google, after all.  Google Maps had to be able to find the place.

Eh... but no...

I drove up and down the street, past Googlers on bicyclers.  But, the address printed on the sheet of paper took me to Yahoo.

Even once I called and received the correct address, the navigation still couldn't find it because the entire place was under construction which threw navigation  off.  

One of my garrison mates discovered the place accidentally by going the wrong way in a construction zone. She guided several of our other people in. I found my own way by calling the receptionist and asking her to stay on the phone with me until I was standing right in front of her.  (She was exceptionally nice, for the record.) This is a very old school of navigating, in the era of Google Maps, but it did work. Can't argue with a result, I suppose.

It was a very short troop (less than an hour,) but very enjoyable. We did some photo ops and played a few games with the genius techie folks. Since I'm a fan of the regular version of Jenga, I enjoyed joining a team of Googlers battling it on a "Giant Jenga" set. The game got very competitive. It was a delight to see them shriek each time it looked as if I was going to knock the tower down.  (I did no such thing.  I am actually very graceful in my suit.  I played Jenga with them and carefully pulled blocks from the middle of the tower.) I pull all of the misbegotten hours I spent in my youth playing the game to good use.

And, during target practice, I proved that stormtroopers truly "can't see a thing" in their helmets. I had a perfect record of not hitting the targets. I blame it on the Nerf blaster not being properly calibrated to Imperial specifications.

And, a total win-win, I made it home without falling asleep at the wheel. 

Oh... and Google Maps found my house on the first try.

Playing shooting games at Google.
I did nothing to improve the reputation of stormtrooper shooting accuracy.

When "Good Morning America" Came to My House

I've had a lot of experiences that never would have happened if I hadn't joined the Legion.

A good example would be the afternoon "Good Morning America" came to my house.

First lap through Gilroy.
Taken in the garlic fields
at the end of my street.

It was last August and I'd been working for months so our garrison could cross the Golden Gate Bridge with Kevin Doyle of "the 501 Mile Walk."  I'd walked with Kevin on his journey down the coast, (in my armor, of course), and he'd stayed with my family here in Gilroy.  We discussed the idea of doing a big ending to his walk.

 And, it was a good thing it took him the entire summer to walk down to San Diego and back.  It took that long to acquire all of the permits and complete all of the logistics to pull this event off.  Lucas film wanted to get involved.  (Obviously this thing was a Public Relations goldmine.)  We invited the four other California garrisons, plus all of the other Star Wars fan groups.  And, the general public.  So, we had to coordinate it all through the Golden Gate Bridge Authority the same as if we were doing a marathon.  Oh, and there was construction going on around the bridge in the areas where you would normally stage and park.  Ah, anyway, it was a joy to coordinate.

All of that aside, in addition to all of the coordinating, I also volunteered for the job of calling all of the reporters.  We have two other press officers in the garrison, but I actually like doing PR.  OK, I love it.  This was the part of the event that was actually fun for me.

So, I spent the entire week leading up to the event compiling an enormous contact list and cold calling all these reporters.  This was the first time we'd do an event of this scope, so I was creating this list from scratch.  These were all cold calls.  I had no relations with any of these folks.  All I had to go on was the hope I was very, very good at what I do and the fact this was an irresistible story.

No nibbles for the first day.

Sigh.  Maybe I wasn't as good as I thought.

One phone call on the second from a small paper.  Ah, it was something.

Third day, a phone call from a major newspaper.   I did a ridiculous happy dance around my living room, (and stepped on the poor dog.  Sorry, Spot.)

This was Kevin on the return visit.
He happened to run into (not literally) an employee
from the Monterey Bay Aquarium while walking.
She offered a private tour. I tagged along.
More fun stuff with the Legion.

On day four, the phone lines exploded.  I was on the phone line with one reporters and others were buzzing in.  NBC.  ABC.  CNN.  The story went wild.  One of the best weeks of my life.

On Thursday, I went to go pick up Kevin.  He'd been making the rounds of visiting some of our members as he walked up the coast.  I had a full set of interviews set up for him.  I wrote him cue cards with speaking notes.  It was glorious.

Friday afternoon we were focusing on getting ready for the event.  Kevin was tearing apart his armor trying to fix some of the damage from 1000+ miles on the road.  My phone rings.  It's a producer from NBC.  Not the local station.  The network.  Is Kevin available to do a segment for "Good Morning America?"

Uh... sure?

The camera crew was currently in Oakland.  I'm in Gilroy.  Geographically, that is not the furthest you can be dispersed in the Bay area.  But, on a Friday afternoon, that is bad.  Very bad.

"Do we need to come to you?" I asked, thinking of everything I still needed to do before the event.

"No, we'll come to you."

Best five words ever.  I provided my address and hung up the phone.

It then occurred to me "Good Morning America" was coming to my house.  Huh.  Kind of cool, I guess.  I quickly checked the house to make sure it was somewhat presentable.  Yep.

Several hours later, the TV crew showed up.

Alright, it was one guy with a camera.  So, technically that would make him a photojournalist.  He asked if I'd be in the story, too.

"Sure," said my huge ego.

He ended up video taping Kevin and I as we sat outside on the back patio working on our armor and talking about the event.

Kevin on the back patio working on his armor

It would have been perfect if the dog hadn't decided it was time to play ball in the middle of the segment.  She came over and dropped her tennis ball on Kevin.  And, then me.  And, then in front of the camera.  I think she even mooned the camera.

Bad Spot.

There was no time to re-shoot since it had taken so long to get to us with traffic.

Kevin and Spot.  You may wonder how the dog got the name...

So, in the end, they used the audio and not the video.

Ah, well.

They did recycle one exterior shot of the house.  I say recycle because a few months prior Kevin was on a segment of "NBC Nightly News" and they used a pic of the front of my house.  This was a shot from his trip down the coast and I can't remember if I submitted it, or if it was pulled off his FaceBook page.

Kevin in front of the house.
This is the image they ended up using.
Gilroy always has been famous for the great surf.

Anyway, kind of funny after all that, they only ended up using audio.  They could have almost called done the interview over the phone.

Still, it makes for a good story.

I'll do a separate blog entry with some pics from the walk because there are literally thousands. (I'll pick a select few.)  The press coverage was insane.

Not taking Star Wars too seriously

It's very easy to get caught up in the world of Star Wars.

There is just so much.  Videos.  Comic books.  Novels.  Fan fiction.  Fan clubs.  Merchandise and collectibles.

But, it is important to step back once in a while and take a break.  Remember the world that exists out of the Galaxy Far Far Away.  Touch base with friends who are not Star Wars and did not have a countdown clock for "The Force Awakens."

I'm in a mixed-marriage.

No, I am not referring to the luscious brown color of my husband's skin.  That's never been an issue between us.  No, the problem is I married a non-Star Wars fan.

And, he fairly exploded this past weekend because he had too much Star Wars.  So, it was a good reminder to me of the world out there that still exists regardless of whether Rey is a Skywalker or a Kenobi.  Whether Han Solo is truly dead or can rise from the ashes like a Phoenix.  Whether Kylo Ren can redeem himself or is damned for eternity.

Some people just don't give a Bantha's backside.

I'm grateful for that explosion because it is an important reality check. While this is something we do for fun, it has a very specialized place in our lives.  And, the place is called fantasy.  That fantasy world has to be forcibly shoved into the backseat sometimes lest it take control of our lives.

Thoughts?

Star Wars Night at the San Jose Giants

Star Wars Night at the San Jose Giants was an interesting event.  We arrived early and suited up in a landscaping shed.  Not glamorous, to be sure, but plenty of room for all of us to move around even with our oversized armor "bins."  The Mandalorian Mercs joined us on this troop so we had at least twenty costumers crammed in the shed.

Our handler from the Giants arrived and brought written instruction of what we needed to do throughout the game.

I love written instructions.  A poorly planned and organized event is frustrating for everyone.  Together with the Mercs we assigned names to every activity we needed to cover throughout the game.  Everyone would get equal time on the field, but it would also give all of us time for breaks and food.

We love it when folks feed us.  It isn't required.  However, trooping is exhausting, sweaty work.  Some food and water is greatly appreciated.

We stripped out of our street clothes and suited up in time to greet the crowds at the gates.  The video attached above comes from a GoPro inside the helmet of one of our troopers.  Most of it is pre-game footage.

As with most ball games, the majority of our responsibilities happened before the game.  We spent a great deal of time interacting with fans and taking photos.  Once most everyone was inside and happily getting their souvenirs and snacks, we were given a short break for water.

Water breaks are awesome.

I've noticed the ball teams have a higher level of understanding of how to treat costumed characters.  I think this comes from having team mascots.  Such a huge help to be able to head back to our changing area, remove our buckets and get something to drink.  Seems so basic but I've done many other troops where the basic need for a water break has gone overlooked.  It is one of the reasons I've pushed so hard for handlers at every troop.

We headed back out again for on-field activities.  It is such a thrill to be on the field whether it is a major league or minor league team.  It is a feeling like: "Wow.  I'm not supposed to be here.  But, I am.  I'm not sure I ever would have been here if I hadn't decided to dress up in spandex and plastic."
My mind wanders to all sorts of thoughts.

But, I am always grateful for the opportunities that have come my way thanks to the 501st.

All of us ended up staying until the end of the game, and then sat around for at least another hour sharing a meal together.  Our handler from the Giants waited on us hand and foot.  It was unbelievable.  He kept getting us food and drinks and was so gracious to us.  This sort of courteous treatment ensures we will back again.  Thank you.  A class act from the San Jose Giants.

Star Wars Night at the Oakland A's. Then and Now.

It's gotten to the point now I'm doing many of these events for a second time.  A year ago, I did my first Star Wars Night with the Oakland A's and I just did the event again.

The first time I did the event I was nervous and excited and arrived much earlier than necessary.  I was concerned about traffic and built in extra time.  The second time, I arrived with five minutes to spare.

The first time, I was stuck greeting fans coming in from the BART station and never made it down to the field.  I still had fun, but of course, I was curious what it would be like to actually see the field.

This year, I ended up on the group of characters chosen to go out on the field.  Whoa.  I was giddy with excitement.  I've done so many troops this year, (almost 40), that it takes a lot these days to overwhelm me.  But, I have to admit I had a fan girl moment when we first stepped out onto the field.  It was an extraordinary feeling.  The field was larger than I thought it would be, (bigger than it looks from the stands.)  I was in my Imperial officer costume, so I could easily see everything.  The sights, sounds and smells seemed unusually vivid.  I was trying to look everywhere at once and keep an eye on everyone else.  As a soft costumed character, I had a responsibility to keep an eye on anyone wearing a helmet.  (They "can't see a thing" with those buckets on.)

We'd barely set foot on the field before there were balls underfoot.  I gently kicked them to the side with my boot to get them out of the way and make sure none of the troopers went down slipping on an errant ball.  They wouldn't be able to see these hazards with their field of vision.  We were asked to walk around the perimeter of the field, greeting fans in the stands.  The fans were so pumped up, and they just wanted to touch us and give us high fives.  Always a strange sensation to see how people react to you in costume.  You get this sort of "rock star" reaction sometimes, but it is not you.  It is the costume.

We ended up posing for a number of photos for the press, and then acting as an honor escort for the "first pitch" and the second "first pitch."  The second one was more memorable because it was thrown  by a little kid in a Chewbacca costume.  The ball went about three feet and then hit the dirt.  The crowds thought it was adorable, and went crazy.

A small subset of the group was then picked to stalk the referees.  I was in this group, so we hung back and waited until they came out and then basically stood around staring at them as they did their pre-game meeting and making them very nervous.  (This was simply a fun prank with the employees there messing with each other.  It was funny.)

We were then done for the day, and asked if we wanted to take a short cut back to our changing area.  It involved taking stairs.  Of course, I could've done a marathon since I was in a soft costume, but I had a Vader and two stormtroopers with me.  They were all confident they could do it.  And, impressively, all three of them made it up the stairs with little difficulty.  Well done.

Our handler tried to take us on the least crowded route back to the green room, but the corridors were still thronged with people and we couldn't get there without going through some public areas.  Everywhere we went, people had that same sort of "rock star" reaction.  The site of Vader and his troopers has a powerful effect on people.  I was in handler mode, trying to keep the moving, and politely telling people we couldn't stop for photos.  We'd never make it back if we stopped for photos every two or three feet.

There were some duties for the other teams throughout the game related to contests and giveaways, but my team was done.  I changed out and headed home after a few innings to get ahead of the traffic.  We could have changed back into costume for the fireworks, but very few of us were willing to brave the traffic of staying to the end of the game.

It was a good night.  A very good night.

Just when I get it all together, I rip it all apart again

"It is never done."

I always get asked the same questions about the armor: "How much did it cost?"

We generally don't answer that one.  All I can say is there a great variance in the price, and quality between armor makers.  I decided to invest in top of the line armor, so it wasn't cheap.

The second question is: "How long did it take to finish?"

The answer is: "It is never done."

Basic approval took six months for me, but I am a small trooper and took more modifications than most troopers.  My "build thread" is here detailing my six journey with the armor.  If you are fortunate enough to be closer to "screen accurate size," you may get done faster.

To receive the next level of approval, which is Expert Infantry (EIB), took me another three months.  This is not a requirement and many stormtroopers stop at basic level.  But, from the beginning, I had the idea I was going for the highest level standard possible with my armor and was going to quit until I got there.  Even though I was a mini-trooper, I wanted the highest level of screen accuracy on my armor.

To reach the top level of approval, "Centurion," I had to rip my armor again.  I took a month off from trooping.  Some of the pieces of my strapping on the sides were slightly off in alignment and while this was fine for Basic and EIB standards, it was not good enough for Centurion.  So, I started again with drilling holes, measuring and making sure ever spacing was perfect down to the millimeter.

July 2014.  A detail shot for the Expert Infantry approvals.

Fixing a detail on the backplate. August 2014.

And, on August 14, 2014 I received the best news possible.  I was the first woman ever in the Golden Gate Garrison to reach Centurion status.  One of only a handful of woman in the Legion to achieve this standard.  Was I proud?  Hell yes.

I wrote the date on the inside of my armor.  I still look at this penciled in mark everytime I get dressed in my TK to remind myself of hard I worked to get my armor to the standard it is today.

My garrison has a high percentage of Centurions.  When I go out with a fellow trooper who has armor that looks as good as mine and we see a fan's jaw drop because we have gotten every detail just perfect, it is all worthwhile.  "Good enough" is not good enough.  It is all about the details.  It is why I  am so proud to be a Centurion.

I wear my white "patch jacket" at conventions and before and after events.
This is the left sleeve of my jacket.

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