"Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise."

I originally wrote this article for the April 2015 issue of the First Imperial Stormtrooper Detachment newsletter on whitearmor.net.  I was asked to write something for a new column called "Memoirs of a Stormtrooper."  I've reprinted the text  in the original form.

MEMOIRS OF A STORMTROOPER


I think my most memorable troop was when I smacked Dave Filoni in the back with my blaster repeatedly.  Mind you, I did not do this intentionally.  However, there are certain skills it takes some time to master and I definitely didn’t have them.

It was May 17, 2014 and I was at BigWow ComicFest San Jose with a number of people from my garrison.   In the evening, there was going to be a special showing of Godzilla.  Dave Filoni is a huge Godzilla fan so he’d come for this event, and spent a few hours in the afternoon at our booth. 

In the middle of the afternoon, we took our group picture.  We were all in our armor, except for Dave.  As our honored guest, Dave was put in the first row.  I ended up in the second row, which probably wasn’t optimal since I’m a bit… eh… short.  But, anyway, there I was and we started taking our pictures.  The “bucket on” pictures were easy enough.  But, then in the end the call came for the “bucket off” shots.   I’d taken my helmet on and off, at least a hundred times at home during my build.  But, I’d never practiced it one-handed with a blaster in my other hand.  Or, attempted to unsnap my holster with gloves on and quickly get my blaster tucked properly.  Word to the wise, these are good skills to master at home so you don’t fumble these group shots.

So, as I was struggling to get my helmet off one-handed in very tight conditions with all of these people around me, I had no idea I was poking my blaster into the person in front of me.  Apparently, I did so repeatedly.  I didn’t become aware of my goof until the person in front of me turned around and gave me a bemused look.

Uggh.

Sorry, Dave.

It is a good thing the man has a sense of humor.

Ever since then I’ve been thinking he should add a segment to Rebels about a stormtrooper so hopeless with their blaster they desert their post and join the Rebellion. (Don’t shoot me.  The show isn’t called Imperials.  Although, that would be an epically good idea for a show.)

Want to take a guess which one is me?  Yep, the wee little one you can barely see poking out over Boba Fett's range finder.  Dave was so nice, too.  He later signed my garrison jacket.  I haven't hit him since.

As the year went by, there were many more memorable troops involving stairs, tripping hazards, hot tarmac, and overzealous Marines.  (Not all at once.)  But, the story that never fails to make everyone laugh and cringe is my faux pas with the blaster.